


All that matters

by mckvch (RaiseYourVoice)



Series: Tumblr prompts [34]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Bane Chronicles - Sarah Rees Brennan & Cassandra Clare & Maureen Johnson, The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Assumed Character Death, Canon Divergence, Episode: s02e10 By the Light of Dawn, Extended Scene, Fix-It of Sorts, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Tumblr Prompt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-31
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-13 02:52:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 863
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10504911
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RaiseYourVoice/pseuds/mckvch
Summary: "Raphael must have been here as well. Did he--" Simon didn't dare finish the assumption, his voice cracking and steps coming to a stop in the middle of the room that smelled of nothing but death. Dread pooled low in his stomach, causing it to churn and constrict with the rising panic in his chest. Raphael had been here, of course he had. The vampires had joined the attack and Raphael would never send his clan into battle without being at the front himself, leading them."Simon, come on," Jace called but Simon's eyes kept on scanning the bodies, knowing fully well that he wouldn't spot any of the vampires because they hadn't left a body, only piles of ash that scattered in between the bodies of the other fallen Downworlder. One of these piles of ash was Raphael, his former leader, the man he had betrayed and the one Simon had developed feelings for somewhere along the way. He hadn't actually realised falling for Raphael until after the betrayal and the actual intensity of his feelings hadn't hit him before right now.





	

**Author's Note:**

> _Simon think Raphael didn't make if out after the soul sword_
> 
> I should mention that I didn't watch the episode and only got a brief re-cap from my best friend so...please keep that in mind and excuse me if something about the setting is off, I tried :"D

Simon had still felt pretty wobbly on his feet after all the blood loss already but seeing the dead bodies of other Downworlders that had been hit by the effect of the soul sword only made this feeling of becoming weak in the knees even worse. He couldn't even pay attention to the weird energy thrumming through his veins ever since he drank Jace's blood, too preoccupied with staring at the bodies and recognising like a hand full of the werewolves - Alaric being one of them. Everything seemed blurry and unreal but Simon felt even worse when a thought occurred to him.

"Raphael must have been here as well. Did he--" Simon didn't dare finish the assumption, his voice cracking and steps coming to a stop in the middle of the room that smelled of nothing but death. Dread pooled low in his stomach, causing it to churn and constrict with the rising panic in his chest. Raphael had been here, of course he had. The vampires had joined the attack and Raphael would never send his clan into battle without being at the front himself, leading them.

"Simon, come on," Jace called but Simon's eyes kept on scanning the bodies, knowing fully well that he wouldn't spot any of the vampires because they hadn't left a body, only piles of ash that scattered in between the bodies of the other fallen Downworlder. One of these piles of ash was Raphael, his former leader, the man he had betrayed and the one Simon had developed feelings for somewhere along the way. He hadn't actually realised falling for Raphael until after the betrayal and the actual intensity of his feelings hadn't hit him before right now.

The thought of having lost Raphael without having apologised for his mistakes was crushing. Simon wanted to get on good terms again with the whole clan but most importantly with Raphael himself. He wanted to regain the leader's trust and earn the feeling of being worthy of loving the older vampire because as of now he mostly felt like he shouldn't love Raphael. He had wronged the other and Raphael deserved someone better to love him, not Simon who hadn't realised the level of trust between them until he himself had shattered it into million pieces.

Simon would never be able to apologise, regain Raphael's trust and maybe confess his feelings now. Not with Raphael being dead.

He grabbed his chest at the sharp pain this realisation brought and his knees almost buckled, guilt washing over him like a tidal wave and he gasped for a breath he didn't actually need. His throat was still sticky with drying blood, the wound already healed after feeding, and more red joined them with the bloody tears now rolling down Simon's cheeks. He reached up to wipe them away because there was no time to break down now, no time to mourn the dead or his own ineptitude of making things right. The tears still wouldn't stop.

"You look like hell."

Simon's neck actually cracked with the force his head snapped up at the deep, velvety and all too familiar voice. He choked out Raphael's name, feet moving on their own accord, stumbling over something that was probably a body - Simon would feel bad about it later - and he would have probably face planted right in front of the leader if it wasn't for strong hands grabbing his upper arms and steadying him.

"You're alive," Simon sobbed with more tears streaming down his face and he slumped against the slightly dishevelled but otherwise unharmed seeing Raphael who made a small noise of surprise but held on to him anyway.

"Undead," the clan leader corrected, followed by a huff and Simon, despite all of the emotions currently crushing his chest, actually snorted at that. He knew it was his influence that had resulted in this automatic reply and realising that was as amazing as it was painful.

"I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry." The words left his mouth on their own accord, interrupted by a hiccup that turned into a sob. Simon pressed his face against the other's chest, clinging to him as if his undead life depended on it and, in a way, it felt like it actually did. He might actually fall apart completely if he didn't hold on to the other vampire.

"What happened to you, fledgeling?" Raphael tried to sound distant, cold, but worry seeped into his words and his hands were gentle where they rested against Simon's back, basically embracing him. Simon knew he didn't deserve any of this but he selfishly still took every second of being this close to Raphael that he could get.

Simon didn't manage to answer because the familiar, undeserved nickname only made him sob harder - a few minutes ago he had thought to never hear Raphael call him _fledgeling_ ever again - and the way Raphael unconsciously tugged him closer didn't help that much in getting a grip but, right now Simon couldn't find it in himself to actually care.

Raphael was alive - as alive as a vampire could be, at least - and that was all that mattered in this very moment.


End file.
